It was 2 days ago when the volunteer who tested you last week messaged me. He was crying because he felt helpless as your family kept texting him and he didn’t know what to do. So I had to step in (even thought it was late at night).
Your sister said the case manager mentioned he cannot do anything anymore since there were no hospitals available and you had to wait for your confirmatory.
In my head, YOU DON’T NEED A CONFIRMATORY TO GET EMERGENCY HOSPITAL SERVICES.
I talked to your mom and explained that I will find someone to help and she said yes. I told them that losing faith at this point is not a luxury we can afford. We have to believe that there’s hope with every breath.
I asked them to put me on speaker and I spoke to you (with my voice cracking) as I told you to hold on while we look for ways to get you to a hospital.
I said all these things and I am quite not sure if anyone heard me. Or if you did.
Yesterday, we were ready to bring you to a hospital and your family decided not to bring you to a hospital. I wanted to argue with your mom but I was not in the position to play god. I already said my piece the other night, and that’s all that I can say, or should say.
Today, I found out you left already.
And I’m angry.
And glad, somehow.
I’m mad that your family gave up on you. But I also know that there must have been a reason why they did. There MUST be. Or maybe, my definition of them giving up does not match with theirs. And that they believe that they did not.
I’m glad that you’re better now. Your family made me listen to you grasping for breath when I called the other night. I felt your pain. Now you shall grasp no more.
I found myself thinking, could I have done more?
What else should I have done?
I refuse to express my condolences to your family, only because I felt they gave up on you.
And I may be wrong.
BUT.
This is not about me. Or your family.
You’re cured now.
Wherever you are.
And I will use that to make me feel better.
Even if it makes me a terrible person.
You’re cured now.
And that’s all that matters.
advocatehiv 