The Old You

01.25.2019

Dear Drew,

Do you remember the old you?

How did you use to spend the mornings when you were a kid?  Mostly in school? Would you wake up to a breakfast prepped by your mom? or maybe too lazy to get up for school?

How did you kill time in school? Were you the nerd type? or did you ever skip classes to go out with your friends?  Were you a bully? Were you bullied?

At night,  did you have a tutor coming over after school?  or was there a constant struggle between the telly and your homework? Would you come home on time? or mostly late after school?

Who chose your college course? Who decided which school and why that school?  Did you enjoy your course or did you get used to what you were doing?

What about your first crush? first love? first heartbreak? Weren’t all those bitter-sweet?

Your first job? Was it before, during or after college?

Your family? Closely knit or loose as hell?

These, and a lot more of your past, are all what make you YOU.  Something may have happened at some point that made us decide to be a so-called better version of ourselves, but that’s still you.  There’s no rule book to your being you not becoming a better or as you or others may have perceived, the best you.

The present you may be a lot better. But the present you may also be at its worst.  But this is you.

It would be nice to see how the old you turned out to be the now-you.   It would be nice to always look back and see how the old you seemed after all, was much simple, much less complicated, and much less worried.

But you see, the old you doesn’t define the present you. A more interesting question is who defines you. Or better yet, WHY DEFINE YOU?

You have been through hell and back, and you have dealt with the wrong so-called friends and lovers and yet, you kept on giving them that 2nd chance, the 3rd, 4th, and that’s neither the old nor the new you, that’s just WHO YOU ARE, the stubborn you.

So keep your head up. No matter how bad or good things are today, look back and be grateful for the things that came and went in your life.  No matter how seemingly opportunistic  some people are (like some infections), freeloaders are part of the food chain.  Besides, the stubborn you won’t get rid of them anyways, so what’s the use in telling you to kick ’em out of your life.

Look back because your old you has built you the way you are now.

Stay in the now. Cherish the moments, no matter what they are because the here and now will become part of the old you tomorrow.

Look forward to the future without fear because your now is a now full of love and pain that will make you more fearless in the days of your future.

Appreciate.  Keep.  Give.

 

 

About +daddy+drEw+

HIV awareness and treatment Advocate & Activist. Living with HIV since 2007. A friend. A partner. A dad to the HIV Community.
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