Casual Sex – a waste of time (?)

11.25.2016

I always see these kinds of comments online:

…that when you’re positive, you shouldn’t be fooling around anymore

…that casual sex is senseless

…that one night stands are a waste of time

Weird but I went through the same phase, note though I am not saying it IS  a phase. What I would rather be interested to knowing is why are people doing orgies, one night stands, casual sex encounters.

There may be a million and one responses for these.  One thing I am certain of is that it is not senseless and a waste of time for the person doing these things.  It MUST mean something to the person.

What comes after is an entirely different discussion. People get sick, people get hurt, some may have been frustrated, some may have gotten desperate. Who knows?

I am concerned though that telling someone to stop doing something without knowing where the person is coming from may not be effective.

I am afraid that showing a friend that he is doing something wrong, that he needs to change– without really seeing the real issue behind, may not be sending the right message.

Of course, as always, this is just me.

Generally though, I think it’s best to understand the other person first before “instructing” him to do otherwise.

Again this is just me.

I am concerned that in the process of wanting the person to change, maybe to our personal perception of what’s “for the better”, without really seeing through the issue– may be pushing the person to rationalize what s/he is doing, and unconsciously, we may be pushing him to doing what we perceive was wrong to begin with.

Or maybe it’s just me.

How do we really put ourselves in the shoes of the other person?  Is there really a way of doing this without understanding the person first?  Have we sometimes put ourselves in their shoes based on what we “thought”  what they’re going through… without really hearing them.

This is just me… Oh well.

 

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About +daddy+drEw+

HIV awareness and treatment Advocate & Activist. Living with HIV since 2007. A friend. A partner. A dad to the HIV Community.
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2 Responses to Casual Sex – a waste of time (?)

  1. alensky says:

    I get your point and maybe, I could’ve reworded my words better but It was actually my friend’s words, not mine. He said he loves casual sex that doesn’t have any sense. Just senseless fucking without any feelings or meaning whatsoever. Maybe it has meaning or maybe it don’t. Maybe he was just sick of living a double life, of being “someone else” in the eyes of others or maybe it’s his way of seeking love that seems quite unattainable to him when he is in “the real world” where he was expected to act the part of the “perfect person” that everyone “knew”.

    Or maybe he was just tired of going through the process of knowing someone and then have sex with them and just want to have their itch scratched. Who knows? Sometimes, one person’s point of view is another person’s riddle.

    All I know is I have this deep-seated guilt that maybe I am also to blame for his demise. When I told you that I never judged him, it was the truth. I told him to go do what he thinks will make him happy just as long as he use protection. He didn’t use protection but he kept on hooking up with random people he met on the internet. And it hurts more because I was the only person that he can talk to about his other life and I could’ve told him to stop but I didn’t.

    He was a great loss because he was a good person and such an intelligent one at that. And everyday I miss him and it hurts because i know that the world goes on even without him. And i wish he was here to know that there are sites like this site that u have where he could’ve reach out for help.

    Im sorry for rambling.

    • +daddy+drEw+ says:

      no apologies needed. your guilt is what keeps you in limbo. you’re right, the world goes on without him (and everyone else who died), I would like to think that they are in a better place–without us. You and I are in this other world, without them, and we have the opportunity to use our deep seated guilt (as you said) to maybe, help others. Chin up, you’re on the right track. Use his memories to drive you to help others. =)

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