Two Ex(es)

12.14.2015

J

We met early 2000s. It was short lived and one of my I don’t know what happened but I just didn’t want to be with you anymore-relationships. We became friends. Then we lost touch since he focused on his being a Medical representative and me, well, a lot of  things.  Shortly after we broke up, he became a BF to a close friend of mine which didn’t become an issue for me.

Raf

We met  years back and well, it was a rough road for us. He was unemployed at the time and as usual, it was an issue for me. He was however one of the “best guys| I have ever been with (yeah, in bed).  I eventually referred him to a friend who owned a restaurant business but I quite didn’t understand what happened, all I know is that he didn’t push through with the plans to work there. We lost touch.

Last Saturday

J’s friend, who I happen to work with in a one-week stint, told me J died last October from “Bangungot“. They themselves didn’t know about it until after he was buried.  All they know was that he came home late from the province where he was assigned as a med rep, had a massage, had late dinner and went to bed. The next morning, he was found bloated. Dead.

Early today.

I don’t know what came over me but I suddenly thought of checking Raf’s facebook profile. He had two accounts.  While searching for his name, a sudden cold air breezed right though me. I opened his profile and there were birthday greetings from August.  It was weird since I knew he posted a lot, from pictures to statuses. I scrolled down a bit more and a birthday greeting was saying something like, happy birthday even though you’re no longer with us. It sent chills down my spine. I was in disbelief. I couldn’t find any information except for some grief posts in April 11 – 14, 2015. I went to his other FB profile and the same information came up. I messaged a cousin of his, hoping to get some information. Any information.  Our worlds were so far apart that we didn’t even had common friends in FB.

Breather.

I went out of the trade hall where our event was and grabbed a smoke. I was teary eyed. It was raining and I didn’t bother to look for a dry spot. I had a few puffs and I looked up the skies,

Let it not be AIDS, let it be anything, anything but AIDS

Raf being the more recent of the two I guess bothered me more. I knew he had high sexual risk behaviors and during his unemployed times, he eventually admitted to me that he had to go into sex work.

Breathe In, Out.

I broke into tears under the rain. I had no one to talk to. I was in a crowd where it’s all events and all scripts and running and guests and programs and artists. I couldn’t bother my best friend who ran the event because he seemed to have had a bad day and he was talking to some staff members. Breathe, I told myself.

And once again, I looked up and said,

Let it not be AIDS, let it be anything, anything but AIDS

I will miss you, J.

I will miss you more, Raf.

 

 

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About +daddy+drEw+

HIV awareness and treatment Advocate & Activist. Living with HIV since 2007. A friend. A partner. A dad to the HIV Community.
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