Go and Be an Angel


Restless and Playful

I recall how playful you were when we were in the room as your parents talked to me.  You (and your sister) were running around the (barely) 3-4 square meters of space with a three-seater sofa and I was on the opposite one-seater.  They were worried about your rashes, and yet again, you stole the scene by showing me your rashes.  Your parents were planning your next steps as we talked about the next decades of your life. You were playful. Alive. Crying. Laughing. You were what you were. A toddler.

Your dad’s pain

Your dad came over a few nights ago as he picked up for your silicon NGT.   From across the street, he saw me and he came over to where I was parked. Within the first few seconds, he was teary-eyed.  He expressed his frustrations, his worries.  And he expressed his hopes.   I mustered the strength to tell your dad to be ready. To be ready for the best. To be ready for the worst. And he cried.

His love for you was stronger than his pain.


Your dad told the volunteer to send me your pic.The picture showed blood on your diapers. Was it from the stool or was it from the urine?  Apparently, it was both. I can only breathe deeply as I hoped for the best. As I expected the worst.

Over the past two Months

  • Early March, your family was endorsed by Counselor Best. Weight, 10kgs.
  • The day after,  your mom and your sister tested negative
  • The week after, we went to PGH
  • The day after, your dad decided to go to RITM instead
  • A few weeks, we lost touch
  • May 1, I dropped by Pasig where you were confined. I was in pain seeing you lose so much wait in so little time. Weight 6.8kgs.
  • The next days, Pasig social hygiene & Ed helped to make ends meet
  • May 14, you were transferred to RITM. Weight 6.9kgs
  • The next weeks, I only got to visit you twice, both in the middle of the night. The last time you were crying thinking I was a doctor or a nurse about to extract blood or inject something into you.
  • Today, you fought your hardest.
  • Today, you went to heaven.

So yeah, go. Go be an angel. Watch over your sister, your mom and your dad.  Go and rest. Go watch over all of us. As we continue to fight a fight you fought the hardest. As we continue to live a life sans you. Go.



Your older sister


About +daddy+drEw+

HIV awareness and treatment Advocate & Activist. Living with HIV since 2007. A friend. A partner. A dad to the HIV Community.
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