A SERODISCORDANT RELATIONSHIP

The contents of this blog are solely my opinion and mine alone. The community may not share the views I have and I respect this.

Serodiscordant – A Definition

Wikipedia says:

Serodiscordant relationship, also known as magnetic or mixed-status, is one in which one partner is infected by HIV and the other is not.[1] This contrasts withseroconcordant relationships, in which both partners are of the same HIV status.

Opposite of the word is “Seroconcordant”.

Why Write About This

I am in no way an expert in relationships,  moreso  Serodiscordant Relationships.  I am writing this to express my views on relationships –serodiscordant or not.

People Would Disagree

I would say that a good 80% of my peers in the HIV Community would vote “NO” to a serodiscordant relationship.  At least that’s what I observed in Twitter. In a few discussions, some reasons were:

  • Disclosure to someone is difficult enough, all the more is disclosing to  someone you are dating who is not on the same boat
  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of Stigma
  • Fear of Infecting the Other Party
  • Fear of becoming a Burden to the Other Party.

Wikipedia further states:

Serodiscordant couples face numerous issues not faced by seroconcordant couples, including decisions as to what level of sexual activity is comfortable for them, knowing that practicing safer sex reduces but does not eliminate the risk of transmission to the HIV-negative partner. There are also potential psychological issues arising out of taking care of a sick partner, and survivor guilt.[2] Financial strains may also be more accentuated as one partner becomes ill and potentially less able or unable to work.

I disagree…

Yeah, I disagree in the all these points raised by my peers.  I understand and respect these reasons cited by my peers, however I do not agree. I do not agree under the premise that one has given time and effort and invested so much for someone only to be emotionally bothered by their being serodiscordant.

Why date in the first place?

I know that we end up liking people at times and so we explore the possibilities of getting to know the person more by dating the guy.  Only to be faced by the dilemma:  The other person is HIV Negative.  Or at least, to be faced by the truth.

Basis of the Relationship

Like I said, I am no expert.  The only basis of a relationship for me that is valid and binding is LOVE.  Heterosexual or otherwise. Serodiscordant or not.

Shared responsibility

There,  We do not eliminate the risk of transmission in having safer sex. That’s a fact. Would you consider abstinence then?

I am not hoping for a yes or no response from anyone.

What I am saying is that it’s a shared responsibility. A mutual responsibility.

The other person knows the risks. Let him decide for himself. It’s unfair for a person to end up liking you, and yes, end up loving you, only to be told you cannot be together  because you chose not to. Again….

Why date in the first place if you would just dump the other guy because he’s HIV(-)?

Complications of A Serodiscordant Relationship

I heard that a PLHIV (in a serodiscordant relationship) was “threatened” by the family of his partner when the family found out about his status. The family told him:

We don’t know what we will do to you if (our son) ends up HIV+

#WTF !!!!!!!!!

The World Health Organization released its guidelines for serodiscordant partners.

Then again, it does not eliminate the transmission risks.

Do I still approve of Serodiscordant relationships?

Yes, if you love each other still, post disclosure.

No, if you don’t love each other enough to take the risk.

Is it selfish? Maybe.

Again, I am no Love Expert.

It bothers me that sometimes, we cause the stigma from within, it’s not the people around us. SOMETIMES.

 

 

 

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About +daddy+drEw+

HIV awareness and treatment Advocate & Activist. Living with HIV since 2007. A friend. A partner. A dad to the HIV Community.
This entry was posted in Advocacy and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to A SERODISCORDANT RELATIONSHIP

  1. to me it’s not really a question of whether i approve of this kind of relationship or not… whose business is it anyway but of the two people who are in the relationship? i can only show empathy to them and make sure they are adequately informed of the health implications in their relationship… and for the rest, it’s their decision 🙂

  2. I am currently in a serodiscordant relationship. I have been with my partner for nearly 15yrs. His hiv status became positive in June*suspected infection was within 30days of results. So I am left asking myself all these questions. Your thoughts speak to me and I look forward to future writings.
    thank you for your blog…

    • +daddy+drEw+ says:

      Hi, thank you for your message. I am concerned that there’s a concept that the infection came within 30days from the results. This is hardly traceable unless the person himself is able to PINPOINT when and where the unprotected contact happened– and that there were no other incidents prior to the suspected 30 days or within two weeks from the test.

      I would like to know more if you would want to share a bit more information.

      Pls feel free to share with me any questions bothering you at this point, if any?

      • Hello
        What the doctor had said wast this. Partner had an HIV test which was negative in March. He had another one in June. He received a false positive. The doctor stated due to the findings on the two tests that either it was false or it was a very new infection. Then with the original test the next day he drew blood again and also did a viral load and the two tests as well. Based on the original results and the second along with the sexual history he concluded that it was within 30days. A very new infection, rare to find but it happens. Along with my numerous negative results since and out of worry i demanded a viral load test to identify it and give me peace of mind…..I am still negative. so with my partners sexual history , the tests and our sexual history pinpointing it to within 30days was his conclusion
        i hope that makes sense, i hope it does

      • +daddy+drEw+ says:

        it does, a clear history taken can easily assess infection timeline. all the same, if u guys need someone to talk to, I can meet you up =)

      • thanks, i appreciate that…today was another milestone….talk of medication…a few hugs and tears and a good talk….

      • it is a little scary. I read up on the drug and it scares the shit out of me, i wish he would not have to go on it, i think to myself, there must be another option…why such a drastic first line medication…abacavir…i am not a fan

      • +daddy+drEw+ says:

        abacavir? firstline? whats his meds combo exactly? abacavir is not a first line

      • that is all we know for now….we find *from being overwhelmed, they only give as much information as we need….it is a very timely slow process it seems…from being told on the 22ndjune to now, still in que….he had to have a blood test to see if he was sensitive to it….he was told that it is part of a “once a day” his numbers from June22 were 4000,000VL and CD4514 it took 2months for genome testing to come back*which is normal for canada..:(

      • +daddy+drEw+ says:

        oh you’re in caada? my apologies, i though you were here in the Philippines

      • hilarious, what ever gave you that idea…
        so…thoughts on my fears of abacavir ?

      • +daddy+drEw+ says:

        Hi, Sorry i missed out on your last message. Am not that familiar with abacavir, sorry =(

      • it’s all good, he has been on meds for 3 weeks now, triumeq is his drug combo he is on…so far so good

      • +daddy+drEw+ says:

        that’s good to hear. =) Are you on prep?

      • No, I won’t go on prep because I don’t trust my Genes…Liver and Kidney disease run rampant in my family! every male on my dads side has died in their mid 60s, I’m 41…I don’t smoke, i barely drink and don’t do drugs, I eat better and well….needless to say, I won’t be going on prep for the cause it has on kidneys….I will just use condoms and take my chances with safer sex practices and if a mistake ever happens use PEP the next day….

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